Airport Security Scanner Scandal– Let’s Get Naked at the Airport !


Photo Copyright TWA

” An x-ray machine that takes ‘naked’ pictures is being tested at an England airport for use as part of a high-tech security system, a story by The Australian News reports. Manchester Airport security officials say the full-body scan eliminates the need for passengers to be patted down and remove their clothing, because it can detect weapons or explosives instantly on fully-clothed passengers, the story said. But some say the scan reveals too much, including piercings, the outline of genitals and breast enlargements, the story said. Airport officials say the photos are not pornographic, and are destroyed immediately, the story said, but passengers have the option of a traditional security check. ” (From Weird Travel News Around the Globe.)

This is the sort of story promoted by the media to whip the vast American public into an outraged frenzy of indignation, shock, and intense curiosity. I mean, how many of you decided to read this post because it had the word “naked” in it? And how quickly I jumped on the story when it was posted this morning online!

We live in an age of danger and suspicion, which came upon us rather quickly. The benign / malignant (take your pick) powers-that-be who we trust to protect us have come up with all sorts of ways to do just that, but this latest technological prying is certain to challenge our Constitution. The Second Amendment guarantees us the right to bare arms, but I don’t think that includes getting naked at the airport.

Still, I’m not going to complain. It’ll just take a little bit more thought when setting out on your next trip. Here are some tips:

1. The underwear. You know what I’m referring to, and your Mother is always right about that. These days, when so many of our young people insist on wearing their underwear outside their real clothes, it is doubly important. If you’re a man and like to shop at Victoria’s Secret for yourself, be ready for the attention you may garner.

2. The piercings. Be careful what you have installed on your body, because there’s a good chance that the tiny platinum Monkey Stix that you’ve attached to your most secret regions are going to cause the metal detectors to go off, not to mention supplying the security staff with stories for the next six weeks.

3. The implants. Considering that implants are used to enhance, you would think that you would want the world to know how hard you’ve worked toward drawing attention to yourself. If you don’t want everybody at the airport to know that you have had breast implants, then stay home.

4. The outline of genitals. I don’t know any men who are ashamed of drawing attention in this way. In fact, this aspect of naked screening might even replace online dating as the newest way for a man to meet someone. For women, I’m not so sure; you never hear how developed a woman is in that area because everyone seems to concentrate up top.

While it is mentioned that passengers will have the option of being scanned in the traditional way, I would have to wonder if that would only add to the boredom of yet another red-eye to Reading. You would think that a little nudity would spice things up, considering that they’ve taken away all the fun things like free decks of cards and plastic wings. And why destroy the photos? I think they’d make great souvenirs, like the pictures they try to sell you at Disney of your entire family vomiting while careening down Thunder Mountain Railway.

But the patting down I could do without, as it always makes me giggle. Besides, if they want to check the outline of anything, they can look at my x-rays. But in reality, I’d prefer to have my parts touched a bit rather than strewn all over the Atlantic!


15 responses

  1. I was once scanned ‘in the traditional way,’ and the underwire in my bra had caused the metal detecting wand to go “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”
    Great picture! You look fabulous!

  2. Remember the time MY underwire bra get setting off the metal detector. They wanded me and still it was going off. THEN they took me into a private room. You were standing there laughing the whole time.

  3. Can you imagine thinking that airport authorities have destroyed your “nude” photo, taken as you laughed and went through the gate to your Topeka-bound flight…only to find that they’re actually selling your “destroyed” image in gift shops in foreign airports? “GET YOUR DELUXE 10-PACK OF AIRLINE NUDIES…JUST $2.50 AMERICAN!”

  4. If it speeds up the process, I’m all for it. I don’t think a naked photo of me is more humiliating than putting my shoes, belt, cell phone etc…in those gray bins and then trying to redress in a hurry. Shoot, I’ll give the airline complimentary naked pictures of me if it’ll speed up security. BTW, I like your idea about selling the pictures. I’d buy one. That’s the kind of novelty Americans can get behind.

    • In short, the above post should say: “I’ll gladly give up civil rights, not to mention the last of my human dignity, and expose myself for self-serving purposes.” Isn’t that called “prostitution?” At the airport, lines are expected. Get there early and deal with the situation – with patience. Just because ‘foreignmatt’ is willing to do whatever it takes to have the security process flow more efficiently, doesn’t mean that sensible individuals must suffer through the same humiliating experiences. It’s a completely absurd (Republican?) idea!

  5. Genital piercings DO NO set off medical detectors! They are private decorations. I do not want my MOTHER to see mine, nor do I want you.

    There are many men who are ashamed or wish they had larger apparatus’.

    I’m sure your piece was tongue in cheek, but there are a bunch of dimwits who would radically agree with you!

  6. Having a flashback to a certain ”frisk” I got at the Frankfort Airport. At my age, i’ll take any man to look at me. I’ll tip them!!!!

  7. I can’t believe how stupid ppl are to wear ANY metal when flying, you are asking for trouble, I’m a woman and I would never wear an underwire bra to fly…how lame are you…think before you dress to fly…good lord no wonder we are targets…fools in a bundance, the more technology the stupider people become…start thinking, or do you need an electronic device for that?

  8. Pingback: Tweets that mention Airport Security Scanner Scandal– Let’s Get Naked at the Airport ! « What Can I Say ? --

  9. Let’s also not forget that the naked “photograph” being taken is actually an x-ray image. As a person in the medical field, I can tell you I would rather (and have on 3 occasions now) opt-out for a pat-down, then be zapped by any extra unnecessary radiation. As we say in the medical field, “radiation is the gift that keeps on giving”.

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