My Morning in Citrus World



Lemon grove

Friday PM: write Saturday’s to-do list:

Lukas Nursery in Slavia:

666 fertilizer for lemon grove

return used plastic containers

Publix on Aloma:

sunflower seeds (four bags)


Saturday AM: Arrive Lukas. After not seeing any, ask new counter person if they carry 666 fertilizer. Unsure, he hails woman who always waits on me. He tells us that he has a chip inscribed 666 embedded in his brain; I respond “so do I” and attempt fingertip touch between us. He misses irony. Woman stares, and recommends 888.

Fill up at Shell station; start waiting behind tall, thin Mom in tiny shorts with 0.00 and Chik-Fil-A stickers on back of massive SUV. SUV engorged, Mom gets in, chats with daughter, proceeds to check phone. I refrain from honking her, and smile inwardly as crown of thorns is placed upon my head.

Follow Heritage Estate Sale signs to Grand Avenue on way home, hoping that abandoned old country house is the one – could not be more wrong. Actual estate sale is being held at Howell farms ranch-style on cul-de-sac, whose street is already filled with bargain hunters sporting hungry looks. I turn around to leave and hungry-looker opens truck door mere INCHES ahead of my front bumper; gives me dirty look. I smile; thorns dig deeper but do I complain? No.

Arrive home after completely forgetting Publix stop. (Now out of sunflower seeds and wine.)

Bring bag of 888 to back porch. Go in house to look for close-up glasses so as to read infinitesimal directions. Come back outside; go back in house to look for scissors to cut open industrial-strength bag of 888, misplacing close-up glasses in the bargain.

Pour out almost exactly a pound of 888 into container; march out to lemon grove and see that recent rain has caused woods grass to leap abundantly into every available square inch. Get on knees to remove woods grass, most of which is unreachable due to prickly, scratching branches in lemon grove.


Woods grass

Finally sprinkle recommended amount of 888 under tree; soak it in while feeling guilty that it has JUST rained not an hour ago.

Back inside to continue my day after rubbing alcohol on legs thanks to no-see-ums which, if I ever see one, will be blasted into eternity.

Remove crown of thorns and hang by back door for another day.